"When loneliness strikes"

I was driving home from university last week when I heard the news on the radio: MPs launch Jo Cox Commission to tackle loneliness. Subsequent to this announcement, people spoke out to share snippets of their personal stories about loneliness and, for once, these people were not in the older generation. As much as loneliness is such a huge issue for people in old age, I feel like loneliness can too often be portrayed in the media as an exclusively “older person thing” – something that only OAPs experience. I was so glad to finally hear emphasis being placed on loneliness as something that all people, from all backgrounds and ages, can experience too.

Let’s be real, the issue of loneliness at postgraduate level – particularly at the PhD stage –  needs to be talked about. It just does. Unlike many other professional pathways, the academic route is far from conventional in terms of the amount of human interaction one can have on a daily basis. Those that are doing a PhD or an MA with very limited contact time (like me), can simply have incredibly rare day-to-day human interaction because there’s no such thing as “colleagues”, or “peers”.  It’s independent research, which means that it’s independently led by just the person that is doing the PhD or research MA. For many people, although it is a path that they deliberately chose to take, it can therefore be a very isolating and lonely period. Even for those that are actually very sociable and have a lot of friends within the PhD/ research MA realm (or even outside the academic setting!), there is still something inherently isolating about the process of doing independent research – despite it, of course, also being really rewarding. At the end of the day, you only have your supervisor(s) to consistently talk to about your project in depth, as they are the only person/ people that truly understand your work. Even if you get on amazingly well with your supervisor(s), it still isn’t a lot of people to discuss your project in depth with! It’s not like you can have a unifying group chat on Facebook or whatsapp about the issues, positives, and details of the project at hand, with lots of people that know exactly what the hell you’re chirping on about (oh how I miss those undergrad, group chat days!) Also, being a postgraduate means that you often work from home, which can make the isolation/loneliness so much worse. I’m in a tricky situation because I work from home every day and, I’m not going to fib, some days I find it so painfully isolating – but at the same time, I can’t fully concentrate in busy places so it’s not like I can even make a daily trip to the library or a coffee shop if I want to realistically have a solid, productive work day. Often, therefore, it can be easy as a postgrad to unintentionally isolate yourself even more.

One of the main reasons why I created this blog was because I was actually going through a period of loneliness myself – and very much still feel isolated even now from time to time. I just felt like I needed some kind of outlet, and one which I hoped could also bring other postgrads together. As social as I am, the whole situation of basically having pretty much zero contact time in my MA means that I am often on my own throughout the day, because the structure of the course simply hasn’t given me the proper opportunity to make solid friendships. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve made a couple of friends in the MA environment but it is nowhere near as many as I made in undergrad! After all, how can you make solid friendships with people on your course when you don’t see them hardly ever and don’t have the opportunity to get to know people?! I really don’t want to come across like I’m complaining about my situation, as I love what I do and I honestly find independent research so fulfilling and I wouldn’t want to pursue anything else, but I just want to shed light today on the darker side of postgraduate studies in light of the recent news stories regarding this problem. Loneliness is a real issue that can have a serious negative impact on people’s wellbeing, and it is noted that this specific issue is ever-growing in the postgrad setting because of the nature of academic work. Of course, you can arrange to have coffee meet-ups in the day with a couple of people or get involved with other social stuff, but that still doesn’t change the fact that some days it is just inevitable for a postgrad to have an isolating work day whereby, for example, work will just consist of being at home on your own all day. Likewise, you can be messaging many of your postgrad friends from different places online or via text, but that doesn’t always have the same effect as actually being in the actual company of people day-to-day. Sometimes I actually find that type of communication with other postgrads quite irritating, as people can often get caught up in their busy lives and forget to message you back, or simply not reply – by all means, this is totally understandable, everyone is guilty of forgetting to reply to odd messages (including me), but, note to self and to others: if this continually happens then maybe funnel out the people that aren’t interested in having you as a postgrad friend, and perhaps assess if it’s worth even having flaky people in your life, as these are the people that can often make you feel even more lonely and isolated! I think it’s so important in the academic setting to really evaluate what type of people you want to be surrounded by. In this particular environment, you have to surround yourself with like-minded people that are 100% supportive, and that you know you can count on when you’re having isolating days. Surround yourself with people that you know will lift you up, in the same way that you will also lift them up when they need it as well. There has to be equal, mutual and common ground - no one-sided situation.  

People within academia can experience loneliness for many different reasons, and in many different ways. It can be so easy to get caught up in the isolating aspect of academic study, but if you can try and break up your days by getting involved in social events and meeting friends for a catch up, then definitely do! Also, try and get involved in academic events too, such as conferences, as these are useful platforms to network and meet other like-minded people. I think it’s also good to have people to talk to and hang around with outside of the academic setting, too. Also, the aim of Let’s Talk Academia is to be an online space for postgrads to share their experiences and stories, in order for people to come together and be able to relate to each other and feel like they are part of a broader community. Blogging can be such a good way to get to know other postgrads, and to also just talk about anything you feel should be talked about. I hope I’ve created a positive but, more importantly, an honest, collaborative space for people to feel comfortable enough to use it as a platform to network and talk about anything they want (don’t hesitate to contact me via the FB page or email if you want to guest contribute and get involved in this online community!) As I’ve said in a previous post, there are always ways to overcome or relieve the feelings of loneliness and isolation, but let’s not underestimate the very detrimental impact it can have on people within academia. Only last week it was described in the news as the new "silent epidemic" amongst the younger generations. Quite simply, more needs to be done to raise awareness and help those in this situation.  


E. 

Here is the recent news story on this topic: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-38808665

Also, here is the link to a similar blog post if you want to check that out too: https://letstalkacademia.blogspot.co.uk/2016/11/isolation-at-postgraduate-level.html