Jaye
Little is an AHRC funded PhD student in Religious Studies at Lancaster
University. In her guest post today, she offers insight into some of the things
she has learnt and experienced during the beginning stages of her PhD so far.
Follow Jaye on Twitter at: @JamieLouiseL
I
have been 'on my PhD journey,' as grandiose as that may sound, for around 8
weeks now, and although the process feels like it started a long, long time
ago, what with applications and funding, the course itself only started 2
months ago. I want to preface all of this by saying that these experiences and
observations are mine and mine alone, and there is no guarantee that your PhD
experience will begin like this. I went straight from an undergraduate degree
through to a Masters and then to a PhD, with no time off, and so that will also
undoubtedly colour my experiences. Things which seem surprising to me might be
totally commonplace and expected for you, and that's great.
The
move from an undergraduate degree to a taught Masters degree wasn't all that
hard, to be honest, as I still took modules and still had a number of set
deadlines to produce smaller pieces of work by. There was still an amount of
guaranteed contact time with different lecturers, although those hours were
reduced, and writing assignments on a number of different topics was familiar
to me. However, having started my PhD, there have been 3 main things that have
really stood out to me, things that I didn't expect, or otherwise didn't
realise would become so important. I want to stress that these are not negative
things, but rather simply things that I didn't necessarily see coming.
1.
Isolation (and Autonomy)
The
number one thing that I have noticed so far is the isolation. While the word
itself has a lot of negative connotations, I have not really found myself
feeling lonely or sad, but I'll admit that I do miss having a community of
other students who were studying the exact same thing as me. I liked being able
to moan about certain theories and discuss the set texts with others, and I'm
definitely feeling the absence of that network. In turn, I didn't quite expect
the sheer amount of freedom that I have been given. As terribly uncool as it
sounds, I'm the type of person who likes rules and guidelines, and there is
very little of that at PhD level. If it weren't for my supervisor kindly giving
me small, manageable tasks to complete every fortnight, I'd have no idea how to
get started. Even the tasks that I'm getting on with now are very individual
and isolated – a whole lot of reading, and the much more nebulous task of
'thinking about things.'
2.
The 'In between' Space
The
second most striking thing for me is the way that I seem to be part of a
strange, liminal space in between 'student' and 'academic.' I feel like I did
already have a sense that this was going to be a prominent part of my PhD
study, but I don't think I realised the effect it would have on me. As
mentioned above, isolation seems to be inherent to PhD study, and so not quite
feeling like you 'connect' with either students or lecturers can be a little
tough. I felt this a little bit during my Masters study too, and actually found
myself reminiscing about exam revision and taught modules, and wishing that I had
more structure to my course. I understand that this is an important part of
moving from the student position to the academic position, learning
self-directed study skills and developing confidence in my own ability to
research, but I do sometimes wish I could break out the index cards and
highlighters and study X, Y, and Z topics, write an exam on those topics for a
few hours and then be done with it, rather than facing 3+ years of the same
topic.
3.
Living in the Future
I
think the most surprising thing that I have encountered so far is the way in
which I feel that I have to live in the future. It's only been 8 or so weeks,
and yet the looming spectre of 'what comes after' seems to be ever present, in
employability courses, in CV writing workshops, and, most prominently, in the
constant warnings from lecturers that the chance of getting an academic job
after your PhD is seriously slim. The most stressful thing about all of this is
that I seem to be getting conflicting advice from different sources, some say
publish early and often, but don't bother with conferences, whereas some say
that publishing isn't all that important, as it's more important to get your
face known by giving papers, and others say that the only thing you should
focus on is writing the PhD itself! I understand that a lot of this is probably
me panicking and over analysing, but I never thought I'd be fixated on
developing my transferable skills and managing my 'reputation' so early on in
my PhD journey.
Don't
get me wrong, despite the surprises and the workload, these first few weeks of
my PhD have been so rewarding, and so exciting. While being out there on your
own can be daunting, it's also so freeing coming off the back of 4 years of
structure, controlled assignments, and frequent deadlines. For me, it's been an
opportunity to develop my skills and, more importantly, to have faith in my
abilities. In the same way, having to think long term and be so focused on the
future excites me, as it really drives home the fact that I'm moving away from
being a student and moving towards being an academic. I never used to think of
myself as a 'grown-up,' and I think that going straight from an undergraduate
degree through to a Masters and then a PhD allowed me to stay in the 'student'
mindset for a little longer than I should have done. However, these past few
weeks have really opened my eyes and allowed me to have more confidence in
myself. I feel more comfortable in my skin when talking to lecturers, I'm more
assured in my arguments, and my passion for my subject hasn't waned one bit.
I
expect that, over the course of the next few months, and indeed, the next few
years, I'll be challenged in ways that I couldn't have predicted. I am in no
way under the impression that it will be easy. Nevertheless, I'm looking
forward to every bit of it. Even though the department, the university, and the
academic system as a whole can often be a frustrating, elitist, isolating
place, there is nothing else that I am quite as passionate about. The flaws
inherent in higher education are clear, and that may well be another post for
another day, but at its core, academia is the most rewarding and enjoyable
environment that I have encountered.
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