Let's talk self-confidence (or lack of)

Everyone suffers from a lack of self-confidence from time to time. In an ever-growing environment whereby academic funding is getting more and more meagre, and grades expected of individuals wanting to pursue the academic route (with funding) can be no lower than a First Class, it can be particularly easy to have “am I good enough?” moments. Even with funding I still have a lack of confidence every now and again – although my lack of confidence tends to be about different things in comparison to my worries prior to attaining MA and PhD funding. Instead of “is my research idea fundable?”, it’s “will I be able to live up to what’s expected of me?”. With different opportunities and experiences, comes different pressures and expectations, and therefore different worries.

Proclaiming that you have a lack of self-confidence occasionally isn’t something we should be ashamed of. It doesn’t mean we are weak, incapable, unconfident, doomed-to-failure, or even unsure of ourselves; it means we are normal, functioning human beings that care about what we do. Even the most self-confident people can have a lack of confidence every now and again about certain things. In today’s society, we are often judged based upon what grades we attain and how well we do in education, and obviously in academia academic achievements are vital. The better the grades and research ideas, the better chance you have in getting PhD funding and entering into academia – simple. But it’s not simple, and that lack-of-confidence voice that we all have inside of us can pipe up at crucial times when we need to keep focused and confident in ourselves and abilities. Sometimes just the pressure of getting the grades can make us crumble slightly, and before you know it you’re questioning if you’ll get through it and if you’re capable enough. Here’s a friendly reminder, you are good enough and you can get through it. We all have those crumbling, lack of self-confidence moments, especially when we are working within a high-pressurised environment where expectations of people’s (and your own) abilities are high. A lot of the time, it’s the people that are more than capable that suffer from bouts of lack of self-confidence!

In my case, I’m my own biggest and harshest critic. My work can always be better, and it’s never quite good enough in my mind – even come deadline day when it’s time for my work to be handed in. If it’s the highest grade it can be, it still could be better. And it’s true, it could be. Does this mean I’m lacking in self-confidence? It’s probably partly that, but I think it’s also partly because I know I’m still a work-in-progress and that’s okay. My supervisor gave me some really good advice when I was worrying about the level of my work the other week, and it’s stuck with me ever since.  He said that I’m learning to learn. Academia is a constant learning curve and you’re not going to be fully formed from the start or probably at the end of an academic career. Over time, your writing style will develop and get better, as will your ideas and the way you think about things and articulate yourself – but there’s always room for change and development. A really renowned academic in my research field (Sociology of Religion), Peter Berger, actually admitted that one of his predictions was wrong and then re-formulated his argument to go against his earlier writings and idea. Within the academic setting, we are susceptible to things changing as we continue to learn – we are constantly evolving if you like. Essentially, we don’t have to reach our expectations on every single piece of work, sometimes we can just miss the grade we want, sometimes we can even be wrong, but that doesn’t matter; as long as we get back up and do better next time and, more importantly, still believe in our capabilities (at least for most of the time). 

I think once you accept that the nature of academic work means that you’re, more often than not, a constant work-in-progress then you will start having more confidence in your own self as the pressure won’t be as intense. Like I’ve said, sometimes the pressure of getting the “best” grades or having the “best” ideas etc. can force you into questioning if you’re good enough – especially when you’re in a sea of high-achieving people within the academic setting! But even the best academics sometimes don’t quite hit the mark. We are all capable of doing well, in the same way we are all capable at times of not doing as well as we’d like. This doesn’t mean you’re a crap academic or student, or that you should rightly have a lack of self-confidence; it just means that you have to continue to work hard and have faith in your own self and ideas, and not to beat yourself up if things don’t go perfectly along the way! 

Keeping momentum with motivation

Those long, dreary days where there is not the slightest productive bone in your body no matter how much you want to work and get things done – sound familiar? Let’s talk about it.

I thought whilst I am unfortunately experiencing one of those days today, I might as well write about it (and procrastinate even more)! Also, I think by actually sitting down and thinking about how unproductive the day is going can be a rather useful thing to do. It forces you to really contemplate why am I actually having such a bad work day? And if I’m completely honest, I need to try and fathom why am I having such an unproductive week?… So, after trying to figure out what it is that I’m doing wrong this week, I came to the conclusion that having a lack of motivation from time to time, no matter how passionate you are about your work, is inevitable. Sometimes there can be just so much to do that it’s easy to stall just from not knowing how to start, or where to begin. In my case, however, I think I’m stalling because I just can’t seem to be happy with any of the work/essays I have produced no matter how hard I try to make them better. This is a common thing, right? As a self-confessed perfectionist, I can really make managing my own work so much harder than it ought to be. Because of this, negative emotions can swiftly appear within seconds and then I feel even more unmotivated than before. I really do think it’s unavoidable to experience these feelings every now and again whilst in the process of academic work (unless you’re superhuman and manage to avoid such emotions – then go you!). It’s just figuring out how to exit these negative emotions as swiftly as they appear.

Firstly, in order to try and tackle these negative emotions that accompany feeling unmotivated, I’ve realised it’s so important to just accept the fact that you’re not having a productive day and don’t be so hard on yourself about it. Often it is so easy to become riddled with guilt when you know you’re not being as productive as you should be (and then that frustration aspect quickly comes into play), but with academic work sometimes your brain just isn’t in the mood for it. This doesn’t mean you’re a failure as someone that wants to do well academically, especially if you want to go down the actual academic route into the profession. With internal pressures (the pressures we put on ourselves) and external pressures (the pressures that others put on you), we as individuals are quick to feel bad about ourselves, even if we just have one unproductive day and work like a machine the rest. Let go of the pressures for a little while, even if it’s just for an hour, and do something for you that will force you to enter into a different headspace. In doing so, you will start to get a grip of your focus again and hopefully productivity will follow – and those negative emotions will dwindle away.

That said, sometimes there simply isn’t the time to have an unproductive day or week (or two?). In this case – as harsh as this may sound – you just have to suck it up, get a grip of yourself and force that productivity to happen. This is my current situation for sure. I just don’t have the time to let the day’s escape me without getting a good amount of work done. You just have to find a way to plough through your lack-of-motivation levels, and emotions, and get stuff done. The way how I deal with days like these is I remind myself about why I’m doing what I’m doing in the first place, and what I expect of myself in the process. Sometimes those internal pressures can be so good for you, as they can make you have a bit of a reality check and force you back into shape. I also have a tendency to do something as simple as checking my calendar, and looking at how many days I have left until the deadlines, and even other things in the calendar like Christmas for instance (because who wants loads of work to do over Christmas?!). Sometimes just visually reminding yourself of where you are in the month in relation to important dates can be the kick that you need. I’m currently also planning fun things to do on certain days, and in doing that I’m creating personal deadlines for myself. If you know you can’t work for half a day because there’s something else that you’ve planned to do, there is always a bigger sense of urgency to get more things done in the full days that you have to work! Also, sometimes it’s just the case of actually starting your work (I know this sounds obvious), and once you’ve done that it’s so much easier to get into the swing of things more and get into a productive flow.

There’s no denying that feeling unmotivated with work on some days can make you feel so rubbish, but everyone experiences days like these so don’t beat yourself up too much. A lot of the time, it’s just getting yourself into the right mentality and starting the day with positive thoughts about how productive you can and will be. If you’re just having one of those days where you can’t help but be unproductive, then just move on from it and start fresh later on in the day or even the next day. I hope some of my own personal thoughts and tips on this issue helps. Let’s be positive and productive, guys!

PhDs at 'Sea': Sailing and Staying Afloat

Dr Scott Midson is a postdoctoral researcher based at the Lincoln Theological Institute, University of Manchester. When he's not paddling with nautical metaphors, he explores the relationship between humans and technologies in the interdisciplinary field of posthumanism, connecting these insights to theology using topics such as theological anthropology, and themes such as love. This blog draws on his own experiences when he was a PhD student, and partially on research conducted for an AHRC/North West Consortium DTP- commissioned report, 'Realising Relational Researchers: A Review of PGR Skills, Partnerships, and Employability in the Arts & Humanities', which is being used as a basis for ongoing research into the place of Arts and Humanities in HE and in the wider context of economics, politics, and society. Follow Scott on Twitter at: @scadhu

I like metaphors – they’re great tools to think with, and they offer a useful way of swerving our attention from what’s directly in front of us to help us make innovative and interesting connections or critiques (this is academia, after all, and where would we be without critiques?!) that we otherwise might not have made. And so I offer a not particularly original metaphor for my reflections on the PhD, namely, a nautical one. There are many great metaphors that can be used and that you might be encouraged to explore in various doctoral training sessions – I recall having to design a mountain pictorial metaphor at the dreaded second-year midpoint of my PhD that, although it looked like it had been drawn by a child let loose to doodle with some felt tips and unnecessarily huge flipchart paper, I was oddly proud of – but I’ll stick with the nautical one for this post. (Bear with me: this is being written by the same person that put smiley faces on cloud symbols…)

What most PhD metaphors will highlight is the journey and the turbulence of it. There will be many ups-and-downs throughout the PhD: there will be days where you have intellectual breakthroughs and you’re ready to shake up your field – nay, the whole of academia, nay, the whole world – with your research; but all the same, there will be days where you feel so stressed and overwhelmed with your work that a duvet cocoon and Netflix and coco pops binge are the only options. (Spoiler alert: these vacillations aren’t exclusive to the PhD, either, and it turns out they pop up in postdoc research, too.) There will be times when (here comes the metaphor) you feel like you’re steering the ship adeptly; there will also be times when you’re on turbulent waters and just about ready to abandon ship. Without meaning to downplay either of these feelings, one of the things to be clear about is that you’re not alone.

For me, going through the PhD, that advice wasn’t always the most encouraging. I looked around at the other captains steering their research boats. (Is this also an exercise in the limits of metaphors and the dangers of overstretching them?) While my boat was seemingly tearing away from my control, everyone else seemed confident, capable, and cruising along at a satisfying pace. I couldn’t help but compare myself to other people, and nearly always found myself lacking. But the important thing to note here is that you are never alone in your triumphs or struggles. And you’re not a bad researcher for losing control of your boat/project at times – indeed, this is part of the journey: you don’t necessarily know the destination. If you knew the destination, there would be little point in undertaking PhD research that is supposed to be pioneering and innovative. To do that, you need to embrace what a colleague of mine based in anthropology, Dr Hannah Wadle, has referred to as ‘positive liminality’ in academia and research: it’s about preparing yourself for the choppy seas and accepting that you won’t always have full control of your ship/research. (Here I think back to clinging to my PhD proposal for weeks into the programme like Linus of Schulz’ Peanuts comics with his comfort blanket, only for my final thesis to have evolved into something that addresses somewhat different questions to those I’d originally intended. It took a while to embrace letting go of that proposal…)

So, as PhD students, you bob along in the vast and uncertain waters of the research field. Practically, what would be ideal to have is some kind of a map – but this can’t of course be a conventional map, as your research most likely will end up taking unexpected swerves and turns (much like metaphors themselves). Instead, what I offer – following reflections on my own experience as well as research into the broader context of PhDs in Higher Education, politics, and society – is a conceptual map (I can’t help it – as an Arts & Humanities student, I love a good slightly intangible concept) for navigating the other vessels bobbing along in the ocean with you. This ‘map’, or ‘network schematic’ as I referred to it in my report that I took it from, is designed to provide a way for researchers to reflect on their wider networks in order to make the most of them. There are various stakeholders involved in PhDs, and these will have a key role in matters relating to researcher development, careers and employability, and general researcher wellbeing (which is at least as important as the other sections yet is perhaps the easiest to forget). The networks that these groups – including governmental departments, funding bodies, institutions, industries and organisations – comprise are deeply significant for the PhD and are key to making the most out of it.

Without going into too much detail on the report (as it’s 95 pages long and so would probably be overkill for a blogpost), the point most relevant here is that the PhD, though it may feel isolating, is actually about providing an opportunity to make connections and to capitalise on them. It’s a good idea to look at the bigger picture beyond your research occasionally: where can your thesis take you? What career(s) are you interested in? What other opportunities might enrich your employability and your thesis?

Going back to sea, then, what’s important to note – and this is the value of the metaphor that I’ve admittedly overstretched – is that you may be at the helm of your project, in your thesis-boat, but you are not a lone ranger (I’m not even sure if there’s a nautical equivalent here…). Those around you are not resources to taunt your frustrated thesis-brain by comparing yourself against them (everyone’s research-boats are so different anyway that such comparisons are nearly always fruitless), but are resources for support and assistance. Similarly, and on a related point, it’s not counter-productive to take a couple of moments to take your hands off the wheel, and to map out the networks and connections around you that you can make the most of, not only for your thesis, but also for your wellbeing and your career. Ultimately, they are indeed choppy waters that you’re in, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t make a few helpful swerves here and there, both accidental (or ‘serendipitous’) and purposive, and ultimately enjoy the ride. (End of metaphor.)

The PhD, 2 months in – what I've discovered so far

Jaye Little is an AHRC funded PhD student in Religious Studies at Lancaster University. In her guest post today, she offers insight into some of the things she has learnt and experienced during the beginning stages of her PhD so far. Follow Jaye on Twitter at: @JamieLouiseL

I have been 'on my PhD journey,' as grandiose as that may sound, for around 8 weeks now, and although the process feels like it started a long, long time ago, what with applications and funding, the course itself only started 2 months ago. I want to preface all of this by saying that these experiences and observations are mine and mine alone, and there is no guarantee that your PhD experience will begin like this. I went straight from an undergraduate degree through to a Masters and then to a PhD, with no time off, and so that will also undoubtedly colour my experiences. Things which seem surprising to me might be totally commonplace and expected for you, and that's great.

The move from an undergraduate degree to a taught Masters degree wasn't all that hard, to be honest, as I still took modules and still had a number of set deadlines to produce smaller pieces of work by. There was still an amount of guaranteed contact time with different lecturers, although those hours were reduced, and writing assignments on a number of different topics was familiar to me. However, having started my PhD, there have been 3 main things that have really stood out to me, things that I didn't expect, or otherwise didn't realise would become so important. I want to stress that these are not negative things, but rather simply things that I didn't necessarily see coming.

1. Isolation (and Autonomy)

The number one thing that I have noticed so far is the isolation. While the word itself has a lot of negative connotations, I have not really found myself feeling lonely or sad, but I'll admit that I do miss having a community of other students who were studying the exact same thing as me. I liked being able to moan about certain theories and discuss the set texts with others, and I'm definitely feeling the absence of that network. In turn, I didn't quite expect the sheer amount of freedom that I have been given. As terribly uncool as it sounds, I'm the type of person who likes rules and guidelines, and there is very little of that at PhD level. If it weren't for my supervisor kindly giving me small, manageable tasks to complete every fortnight, I'd have no idea how to get started. Even the tasks that I'm getting on with now are very individual and isolated – a whole lot of reading, and the much more nebulous task of 'thinking about things.'

2. The 'In between' Space

The second most striking thing for me is the way that I seem to be part of a strange, liminal space in between 'student' and 'academic.' I feel like I did already have a sense that this was going to be a prominent part of my PhD study, but I don't think I realised the effect it would have on me. As mentioned above, isolation seems to be inherent to PhD study, and so not quite feeling like you 'connect' with either students or lecturers can be a little tough. I felt this a little bit during my Masters study too, and actually found myself reminiscing about exam revision and taught modules, and wishing that I had more structure to my course. I understand that this is an important part of moving from the student position to the academic position, learning self-directed study skills and developing confidence in my own ability to research, but I do sometimes wish I could break out the index cards and highlighters and study X, Y, and Z topics, write an exam on those topics for a few hours and then be done with it, rather than facing 3+ years of the same topic.

3. Living in the Future

I think the most surprising thing that I have encountered so far is the way in which I feel that I have to live in the future. It's only been 8 or so weeks, and yet the looming spectre of 'what comes after' seems to be ever present, in employability courses, in CV writing workshops, and, most prominently, in the constant warnings from lecturers that the chance of getting an academic job after your PhD is seriously slim. The most stressful thing about all of this is that I seem to be getting conflicting advice from different sources, some say publish early and often, but don't bother with conferences, whereas some say that publishing isn't all that important, as it's more important to get your face known by giving papers, and others say that the only thing you should focus on is writing the PhD itself! I understand that a lot of this is probably me panicking and over analysing, but I never thought I'd be fixated on developing my transferable skills and managing my 'reputation' so early on in my PhD journey.

Don't get me wrong, despite the surprises and the workload, these first few weeks of my PhD have been so rewarding, and so exciting. While being out there on your own can be daunting, it's also so freeing coming off the back of 4 years of structure, controlled assignments, and frequent deadlines. For me, it's been an opportunity to develop my skills and, more importantly, to have faith in my abilities. In the same way, having to think long term and be so focused on the future excites me, as it really drives home the fact that I'm moving away from being a student and moving towards being an academic. I never used to think of myself as a 'grown-up,' and I think that going straight from an undergraduate degree through to a Masters and then a PhD allowed me to stay in the 'student' mindset for a little longer than I should have done. However, these past few weeks have really opened my eyes and allowed me to have more confidence in myself. I feel more comfortable in my skin when talking to lecturers, I'm more assured in my arguments, and my passion for my subject hasn't waned one bit.

I expect that, over the course of the next few months, and indeed, the next few years, I'll be challenged in ways that I couldn't have predicted. I am in no way under the impression that it will be easy. Nevertheless, I'm looking forward to every bit of it. Even though the department, the university, and the academic system as a whole can often be a frustrating, elitist, isolating place, there is nothing else that I am quite as passionate about. The flaws inherent in higher education are clear, and that may well be another post for another day, but at its core, academia is the most rewarding and enjoyable environment that I have encountered.

Learning to enjoy the PhD

Simple tips on how to get PhD funding

How to make an academic break work in your favour

Isolation at Postgraduate Level

Why so negative?

I have wanted to pursue an academic career path for some time now. In Sixth Form, I can remember thinking about the prospect of potentially doing a PhD at some point in the future, not knowing then of course that three or four years later I would be a recipient of an AHRC 1+3 (MA & PhD) award, and actually on the road to achieving that glimpse of a thought.

I’m not going to tell a fib, although it feels amazing to receive such a great funding award (literally, my life is made!), I can’t help but feel a tiny bit deflated about the prospect of pursuing an academic career. Don’t get me wrong, I am incredibly passionate and excited about my subject area- but as soon as I type the likes of  ‘doing a PhD’,  ‘Academia’ or ‘Getting a lectureship’ into Google, I’m faced with endless articles and discussion forums that state that it’s all not worth it- whether you’re passionate about ­your subject area or not.

Why is there SO much negativity surrounding academia and doing a PhD? Of course, I’m aware that there is a lack of job security in academia, and lectureships are immensely competitive to attain. I am also aware that doing a PhD can be a tireless and isolating journey, I was even warned about that by a lecturer in my department. But why should these aspects be the only things that are emphasised on the internet? I have rarely come across positive success stories online! By all means, I’m categorically not saying that I will find pursuing the academic path an easy task! I also know that when I eventually get around to doing my PhD after I’ve completed my MA in 2017, there will be times where I will feel lonely and isolated and tired and probably the list will go on… But, why does the whole experience, according to the internet, have to be soul-destroying? Why does there only seem to be articles elucidating people quitting or failing their PhD's, rather than people excelling and having a positive experience of it? Can’t we share more positive experiences of people doing well and actually enjoying their postgraduate studies, rather than being fed-up, down and pondering if it is all worth it?

Therefore, I wanted to create this blog with the aim and determination to try and shed a more positive light onto the profession I’m so passionate about entering. Mainly because everything I read online is scaring me hugely and I, at least, want to try and foster a more positive atmosphere where people within an academic setting can share their experiences, and by doing so, help others. In the same respect, I’m sure not all of the discourse will be wholly positive, I want to be true to my own experiences along the way and will be willing to cover any hardships and learning curves that will inevitably occur; also, others may share more negative experiences if they feel it is an important issue to talk about. 

For now, though, let’s try and see the positives of pursuing an academic path and not dwell too heavily on the “soul-destroying” negatives that are so widely scattered across the internet.